eHarmony

Well, I clearly am incapable of learning, aren't I?

Here I am again, signed up with an online dating site expecting results to be different than the last, oh, five times I've done it. My faith this time was resting on the simple fact that eHarmony is supposed to be for men and women actually seeking relationships rather than friends to email, hookups, general entertainment and/or members of the opposite sex with whom they could practice their lying. I may have been mistaken.

It seems that no matter the purpose of the dating website or the cost (why, oh why, would anyone spend nearly twice as much to do exactly what they could on match or yahoopersonals???), nearly all dating sites attract idiots, liars, tricksters, stalkers and weirdos. And those members that don't fall into those five categories are men. And we all know that men are intrinsically stupid. They simply can't help it. (Of course, I am also stupid, hence the signing up for dating sites.)

Here are a few rules I would like to put into place:

1. I am an adult. Please treat me as one. If, despite your age, you are not an adult, please don't bother me.
2. Please be forthright. I do not care for ambiguity. My feelings won't be hurt if you are a liar, a child, stupid, etc. Please do not hide these things.
3. Don't play games. Games are only okay if they are played in the living room and require boards. I can guarantee I will not try to trick you or do things on purpose to make you react. Please see number rule number one.
4. Please don't waste my time. If you do not intend on ever actually meeting, please stop emailing me.
5. If you are too busy to date, please don't ask for matches, that is lame. Please refer to rule number four.

I wish I were capable of meeting interesting men out in the real world. The problem is that I see no reason to speak to strangers. Why would I do that? I know the groceries I want, I don't need to discuss them with someone I've never met. I have multiple degrees in Literature; therefore, I feel capable making my own choices at bookstores. In fact, I don't really like strangers. Perhaps my parents went a little overboard with the whole not talking to strangers thing. Damn them (okay, not really).