Two Years Ago Today (3/28/07)

Two years ago today I woke up to find a letter informing me that my marriage was over. Exactly a month later I was divorced. The letter cited such reasons as reading too much and eating too many cookies. My ex has since apologized for such ridiculous reasons, but no matter the reasons, the result was the same. I have had much heartache over these two years, but I've also grown immensely and wouldn't change a thing.

Since March 28th, 2005, I have moved three times and started four new jobs. Tomorrow I will be starting a new career. My ex has tried to reconcile with me no less than three times. I've fallen in love. I've had my heart broken multiple times (mostly by my ex). I've forgiven and forgiven and forgiven. I've learned that no matter what, I won't stop trusting or forgiving. It's just in my nature. I will, however, be a bit smarter about it. I've been to Canada three times. I applied for PhD programs and then decided I didn't want to go. I learned to love myself again. I lost my wonderful Boo Bunny, and then welcomed two abandoned rabbits into my family. I found home again. I went on ten vacations (ten!). I made a handful of wonderful friends. I made other friends who I learned weren't so wonderful. I learned what makes a true friend and how to be one to myself. I've read a lot and eaten a lot of cookies. I've gained some gray hairs. I've grown in innumerable ways, but I still have much to learn. There were times I didn't know if I would, but I have survived. And I am better for it all. As Ernest Hemingway wrote, "Life breaks us. And when we heal, we're stronger in the broken parts."

On Being Human (3/15/07)

Sometimes I am amazed by how human I am. If you prick me, I will bleed... and bleed... and bleed. As humans we are meant to fail, but my god how the failing hurts. Learning I am human and therefore fallible was a hard lesson, and I still have trouble with it. Isn't that something I should have learned earlier in life? Wouldn't it have been easier if failure had been a more apparent part of my existence? Or, at least, a little more obvious? Everything always worked out. Perhaps not at first, but in the end, it always did. And then life started and I was human. It has been a rude awakening. I am no longer the golden child I once was, but through all the crap -- through all the humanness -- I've learned to be happy. What a silly, silly contradiction life is: you really do have to know sorrow and pain to recognize all the joys life has to offer. All those cliches people spout at you when you are down are true, it seems. Experiencing life, and all it has to offer is difficult, but I would not trade in my past "life" for this one. It is only since I have allowed myself to be human that I've found the true happiness that comes from within.