Saturday, May 31, 2008
Oh!
I forgot to mention one interesting tidbit about my most recent eHarmony experience with, oh let's go ahead and call a spade a spade, the crazy dude. He informed me that if Obama were elected, he would be assassinated within a month or two by some southern redneck. The same would be true if we elected a female president. I guess in the crazy dude's mind change equals death. He went on to tell me that our country was founded by rednecks, which I found quite interesting. Crazy dude certainly has some fascinating ideas. It is people like him who make the country so frightening for me. I am once again glad to live in the city where people make sense!
Two New Addictions
I have recently added two new internet addiction to my growing list: Single in the Suburbs and Befouled
Single in the Suburbs is on MSN's Dating and Personals section. It is the account of one 40-something woman's dating experiences after having been married for twenty-three or so years. I really love reading about her exploits in on-line dating. I guess it is sort of refreshing to see how her experiences mirror my own, despite our age difference.
Befouled is a blog. I don't know the author. I don't even know where he lives, but my god, I enjoy reading his posts. He doesn't even write about things that are of interest to me, but I find myself captivated by his tales of coaching his son's baseball team and fishing with his friend. I feel sort of strange reading his posts since it appears most of the readers (or those who comment anyway) know him personally. It feels sort of voyeuristic, but I can't stop. I need to more!
Single in the Suburbs is on MSN's Dating and Personals section. It is the account of one 40-something woman's dating experiences after having been married for twenty-three or so years. I really love reading about her exploits in on-line dating. I guess it is sort of refreshing to see how her experiences mirror my own, despite our age difference.
Befouled is a blog. I don't know the author. I don't even know where he lives, but my god, I enjoy reading his posts. He doesn't even write about things that are of interest to me, but I find myself captivated by his tales of coaching his son's baseball team and fishing with his friend. I feel sort of strange reading his posts since it appears most of the readers (or those who comment anyway) know him personally. It feels sort of voyeuristic, but I can't stop. I need to more!
Dating and Politics Don't Always Mix
Well, I had my last eHarmony meeting Wednesday night, and boy was it a doozy. It started out well, which was a pleasant surprise. He looked like his picture, he didn't appear to be short (but he was sitting down when I arrived), he was on time, and I didn't see any Miatas or Cameros in the parking lot. I order a beer and he a second vodka and something (I would have thought tonic or soda, but I think it was seven up or sprite). Conversation is easy. We grew up not to far from one another, so we enjoy a bit of reminiscing. He is my older sister's age, so we discuss people we both know, etc. He has nice eyes and a good smile. I start to think that I may have actually met a good guy on eHarmony. We laugh a lot about all sorts of stuff -- the people around us, life, work, etc. Time flies. I nursed my beer and then switched to water. We talk about our offices, and he mentions reducing energy consumption, etc. I'm excited -- not only is he attractive and funny, he is also a left winger! Now, I don't want anyone to mistakenly think this guy is perfect. He says 'coon' instead of raccoon, and he lives a bit further out than he said he did, but the conversation is great, so his 'county' ways aren't a big deal.
At some point I realize he has been knocking back vodka and clear liquid at the same rate as I've been drinking water. Maybe even faster. Huh. I try not to judge, but I am always a little concerned when someone drinks what to me seems like a lot - and doesn't appear at all affected. I have two uncles who are non-practicing alcoholics and my mother's father basically killed himself due to his drinking. I have no desire to have that in my life, but I feel like perhaps I am jumping to conclusions. For all I know, the drinks are really weak.
But I don't even have to worry about his potential drinking problem because he soon tells me that he doesn't believe in global warming. WHAT? He goes on to say that there are 'just as many scientists who say it isn't true'. That is, quite simply, not true, and I inform him that I am aware of some of those scientists, and that what they are purporting is bad science. He disagrees and continues to spout nonsense. I tell him he is crazy, but at this point the deal has still not been broken. That is until he tells me that Obama is a terrorist. He informs me of this after I tell him that in my opinion Obama will be the next president of the United States. I ask him why he believes this, and he explains that Obama's preacher said something about 'white devils'. I try to get him to help me understand how that makes Obama a terrorist, but he doesn't.
At this point, I am blown away, but the conversation is still surprisingly interesting, so I don't just walk out. I like a good political discussion anyway. He then tells me what the most important issue is for him. Low and behold it is the same as mine: abortion, but, not surprisingly, we are on different sides of the fence. His reasons are ridiculous, and once again he presents me with faulty logic. I think it is fine for people to have varying view points, but nothing bothers me more than faulty logic. Oh, did I mention he continually used the term 'pro-abortion' instead of 'pro-choice'? He kept saying I was pro-abortion, and I kept replying that I was quite clearly not pro-abortion. I like babies. I think babies should get to be born, but I think the alternative to legalized abortion is a far worse choice.
I could go on and tell you all about his thoughts on the death penalty, and how I surely, being pro-abortion and all, thought the death penalty should be illegal, but I won't. Instead I'll leave you with this lovely bit of logic: he explained that an aborted fetus (or newborn, as he liked to call them), might grow up to be the next female president. In the next sentence he said that abortion was okay in the case of rape. I then suggested that that fetus might also, having been allowed to live, become the next female president as well. He declined to comment.
At some point I realize he has been knocking back vodka and clear liquid at the same rate as I've been drinking water. Maybe even faster. Huh. I try not to judge, but I am always a little concerned when someone drinks what to me seems like a lot - and doesn't appear at all affected. I have two uncles who are non-practicing alcoholics and my mother's father basically killed himself due to his drinking. I have no desire to have that in my life, but I feel like perhaps I am jumping to conclusions. For all I know, the drinks are really weak.
But I don't even have to worry about his potential drinking problem because he soon tells me that he doesn't believe in global warming. WHAT? He goes on to say that there are 'just as many scientists who say it isn't true'. That is, quite simply, not true, and I inform him that I am aware of some of those scientists, and that what they are purporting is bad science. He disagrees and continues to spout nonsense. I tell him he is crazy, but at this point the deal has still not been broken. That is until he tells me that Obama is a terrorist. He informs me of this after I tell him that in my opinion Obama will be the next president of the United States. I ask him why he believes this, and he explains that Obama's preacher said something about 'white devils'. I try to get him to help me understand how that makes Obama a terrorist, but he doesn't.
At this point, I am blown away, but the conversation is still surprisingly interesting, so I don't just walk out. I like a good political discussion anyway. He then tells me what the most important issue is for him. Low and behold it is the same as mine: abortion, but, not surprisingly, we are on different sides of the fence. His reasons are ridiculous, and once again he presents me with faulty logic. I think it is fine for people to have varying view points, but nothing bothers me more than faulty logic. Oh, did I mention he continually used the term 'pro-abortion' instead of 'pro-choice'? He kept saying I was pro-abortion, and I kept replying that I was quite clearly not pro-abortion. I like babies. I think babies should get to be born, but I think the alternative to legalized abortion is a far worse choice.
I could go on and tell you all about his thoughts on the death penalty, and how I surely, being pro-abortion and all, thought the death penalty should be illegal, but I won't. Instead I'll leave you with this lovely bit of logic: he explained that an aborted fetus (or newborn, as he liked to call them), might grow up to be the next female president. In the next sentence he said that abortion was okay in the case of rape. I then suggested that that fetus might also, having been allowed to live, become the next female president as well. He declined to comment.
Dating Sucks
Well, I've cancelled my eHarmony subscription. To be honest, it really hasn't lived up to the hype. Perhaps it's just me, but I certainly haven't met anyone I really felt compatible with. I guess having personality types that mesh well together is important, but I'm not sure if that is more important than shared values or interests or say being honest.
I don't understand why honesty is so difficult for some people (I was about to say men when I realized I have no idea if women are online dating liars or not -- I certainly try not to be!). I have been amazed at the number of men I did not recognize when they showed up for our 'meeting.' I am certainly glad that I look like my pictures because otherwise I would have walked right by the majority of the men I've met. I understand the reason for using your best photograph, but it really should look a bit like you!
This, however, is not as disconcerting as the men who lie about their height. I have found that except for the men who are really tall, most men have added an inch or so to their height (or I've grown since the last 5'10" guy I dated). I met a fellow who claimed to be 5'7". This was already a tad short for me. I am 5'6" and ideally I'll meet a guy who is tall enough that I can comfortably wear heels with, but I have been trying to date men I might not normally be interested in, in the hopes of finding someone great (and in an effort to break from type -- clearly the guys I am normally attracted to aren't turning out to be all that great) Anyway, back to the 5'7" guy... or should I say the 5'5" guy. I was taller than him in flip flops - he had on actual shoes, so he was even shorter than he seemed. And he is not the only guy to lie about his height. I just don't get it. Do they think women are so dumb, they won't notice? For me, lying is a big deal breaker, even if it is just about height. Quite frankly, if you are going to lie about something little like that, you are probably lying about something big too.
The shocking thing is many of these guys I'm supposed to fit with personality wise are really not interesting to me in the least. One guy wanted me to know how I felt after two very casual meetings (both an hour long). Not only did he want me to know how I felt, he wanted me to tell him. I didn't know, so I went with "next!" Way to force the issue, dude! Another guy (one of the height liars) was 15 minutes late. If I had not been enjoying my cup of tea (a Pixie Mate Latte actually), I would have already left by the time he showed up. Why was he late? He needed to change his shirt. Oh, yeah, that's worth insulting a prospective date. And then he acted like he was the coolest guy ever, even though he was short AND a big dork. Groan. Then there was the 36 year old who admitted he'd not ever been financially stable enough to own a house. And he went on and on about how he liked to play softball, and wouldn't it have been great if he'd been good enough to play baseball, and on and on. Why admit all your failings right out of the gate? Oh, did I mention he drove a white Mazda Miata? Don't even get me started on cars, but c'mon dude, you drive a girl car.
I realize a lot of this is very superficial, but with each of these men, there hasn't been any sort of connection. Even if short dude #1 hadn't been short and a liar, he still would have pressured me to make a decision. Even if short dude #2 hadn't been short and a liar, he still would have thought changing his shirt was more important that being on time. And even if Mr. Mazda Miata had driven an Accord, he still would have had low self-esteem.
There have been men I've met who were totally honest, looked like their picture, were self-assured, etc, etc, but unfortunately I haven't felt a connection with those guys either. I think I've come to the conclusion that personality isn't that great of a predictor of chemistry.
I don't understand why honesty is so difficult for some people (I was about to say men when I realized I have no idea if women are online dating liars or not -- I certainly try not to be!). I have been amazed at the number of men I did not recognize when they showed up for our 'meeting.' I am certainly glad that I look like my pictures because otherwise I would have walked right by the majority of the men I've met. I understand the reason for using your best photograph, but it really should look a bit like you!
This, however, is not as disconcerting as the men who lie about their height. I have found that except for the men who are really tall, most men have added an inch or so to their height (or I've grown since the last 5'10" guy I dated). I met a fellow who claimed to be 5'7". This was already a tad short for me. I am 5'6" and ideally I'll meet a guy who is tall enough that I can comfortably wear heels with, but I have been trying to date men I might not normally be interested in, in the hopes of finding someone great (and in an effort to break from type -- clearly the guys I am normally attracted to aren't turning out to be all that great) Anyway, back to the 5'7" guy... or should I say the 5'5" guy. I was taller than him in flip flops - he had on actual shoes, so he was even shorter than he seemed. And he is not the only guy to lie about his height. I just don't get it. Do they think women are so dumb, they won't notice? For me, lying is a big deal breaker, even if it is just about height. Quite frankly, if you are going to lie about something little like that, you are probably lying about something big too.
The shocking thing is many of these guys I'm supposed to fit with personality wise are really not interesting to me in the least. One guy wanted me to know how I felt after two very casual meetings (both an hour long). Not only did he want me to know how I felt, he wanted me to tell him. I didn't know, so I went with "next!" Way to force the issue, dude! Another guy (one of the height liars) was 15 minutes late. If I had not been enjoying my cup of tea (a Pixie Mate Latte actually), I would have already left by the time he showed up. Why was he late? He needed to change his shirt. Oh, yeah, that's worth insulting a prospective date. And then he acted like he was the coolest guy ever, even though he was short AND a big dork. Groan. Then there was the 36 year old who admitted he'd not ever been financially stable enough to own a house. And he went on and on about how he liked to play softball, and wouldn't it have been great if he'd been good enough to play baseball, and on and on. Why admit all your failings right out of the gate? Oh, did I mention he drove a white Mazda Miata? Don't even get me started on cars, but c'mon dude, you drive a girl car.
I realize a lot of this is very superficial, but with each of these men, there hasn't been any sort of connection. Even if short dude #1 hadn't been short and a liar, he still would have pressured me to make a decision. Even if short dude #2 hadn't been short and a liar, he still would have thought changing his shirt was more important that being on time. And even if Mr. Mazda Miata had driven an Accord, he still would have had low self-esteem.
There have been men I've met who were totally honest, looked like their picture, were self-assured, etc, etc, but unfortunately I haven't felt a connection with those guys either. I think I've come to the conclusion that personality isn't that great of a predictor of chemistry.
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