Why I Should Keep My Gas Tank Full (7/11/07)

I'm lazy. In a former life I would have come up with all sorts of excuses for all sorts of things that occurred because I am lazy. Now, my philosophy is "fuck it, I'm lazy." I am single, I work 40 hours a week (well, maybe less considering I rarely stay at work an entire 8 hours and that counts my hour or so for lunch), I have no kids and I have a housekeeper. Does that explain to you my laziness? No? Does it help to know that my housekeeper also picks up after me? I'm not kidding. She folds my clothes, makes my bed, lets my cats in, puts my stuff away... basically I pay her to be my mother (not that my mother ever made my bed!)

Now, you might be asking, what does my laziness have to do with keeping my gas tank full? Lots.

I have run my current car out of gas no less than three times. I have owned said car for four years. I know EXACTLY how many miles I can go once the light comes on. Does that mean I get gas as soon as the light goes on? Nah... why would I do that when I know I can go 40 more miles? I will pass a gas station with my car on empty rather than stop.

Normally, this reckless gas consumption works out just fine. Once I even rolled in to a gas station, literally. My car died right in front of the pump (did I mention I live a charmed life?). Well, Saturday night, things did not fare so well.

Long story short (and believe me, a very long story precedes this), I ran out of gas. I ran out of gas at 143rd and Metcalf (for those of you not in the know, I live nearly 70 blocks from here). A friend had just left and kindly picked me up some gas. Seems like my charmed life has continued, right? Wrong. He brought me the gas, I gave him some money for it and then put my wallet on my car. Did I mention I had over 200 bucks, in cash, in my wallet? No? Well I did. I then put the gas in my car and drove off.

Now you might be thinking, "Oh, that Suzanne, she's pretty clever, I'm sure she didn't leave her wallet on her car and drive the nearly 70 blocks home," but you would be wrong. I did drive home. And my gas light did come on during the drive home. I chose not to stop for gas.

Back at the Chica Blanca, I realized I did not have my wallet (I did mention the 200 dollars in cash, right?). So, despite the glaring yellow gas light, I drove back to 143rd. Did I find my wallet? No. Did I get gas on the way there? No. (What are you, stupid? I didn't have my wallet, and clearly I'm not the kind of person to keep any spare money or credit cards in my house!) I arrive back at the scene and do not find my wallet. Luckily a nice man gave me ten bucks to buy some gas (I did mention I live a charmed life, right?).

I head back home to Waldo. At this point, I've driven back and forth to 143rd and Metcalf four times. Once home, I begin to call my credit cards. While on the line, I get a call from AmEx -- they have a cop on the other line and he has my wallet. I then head back to the OP (123rd and Metcalf this time) to get my wallet. Is anyone surprised that a kind citizen found my wallet and took it to the police station in the middle of the night? Of course not, what with me being charmed and all. And obviously, my wallet was still holding all my cards and two hundred dollars.

On the drive home (at two AM) I swore to my friend Jeff than this was the universe teaching me a lesson about keeping my gas tank full. I vowed to never do something like that again.
The next day I drove to meet some family for dinner north of the river (about half an hour away). Did I fill up my tank before I left? Nah... Did I do it when the light came on? Nope.
Why would I do a silly thing like that, I live a charmed life, after all....

Cleanse? (7/11/07)

I am clearly retarded.

Anyone who knows me knows I survive on sugar, carbs and caffeine. I am the anti-diet poster child. Last month I think I ate mostly Stouffer's frozen mac and cheese, cookie dough and coffee. I'm serious. In grad school, I would go home for lunch and eat, I kid you not, cheezits, a diet dr. pepper and cheddar cheese melted on toast (sometimes as many as three slices!) To top it all off, I don't even take vitamins. Lord knows why I'm so darn healthy...

So, to my surprise and dismay, I decided I should "cleanse" myself. Why? Not sure, but I did it and it sucked. I cannot describe how much it sucked. For five days I ate nothing but vegetables and fruits. Yuck. I actually chose not to eat when hungry rather than eat more god forsaken vegetables. I thought this cleanse would help me incorporate more veggies into my diet. I'm now not so sure. I mostly never want to eat them again.

What did we learn from this, boys and girls? That Suzanne has amazing will power and that vegetables taste really, really bad if that is all you eat. Oh, and that a bad way to incorporate more veggies in your diet is to only eat veggies.