The Sordid Case of Mr. Blue, Part III

I've had a bit of trouble beginning part III of this saga. It seems that most, nay all, of the players in this tawdry little story have been reading, and I'm not used to those involved in my dating (or in this case, not dating) fiascoes to actually read my blog. Heck, I'm not really used to anyone reading my blog. When I told my mother I had a blog, she couldn't quite figure out why I thought she'd want to read it, so you can understand my surprise to discover that both The Mrs. and Mr. Blue have been reading. I wasn't quite sure how to appropriately deal with this. I like that my blog is like my diary would be, if I had one. I don't censor my thoughts to keep them from causing hurt feelings because generally those whose feelings could be hurt a) deserve being hurt and b) aren't reading my blog.

After learning of my new found readership (even if it is short-lived), I reflected on my previous two posts. Had I accurately portrayed every one's actions to the best of my ability? Well, sort of. There are some things I didn't quite want to give away yet. I liked telling this story in a linear fashion with the reader learning things as I learned them, but that may have portrayed certain people in an inaccurate light. I hope what follows will clear up any of that. And in case you are wondering, I don't mean Mr. Blue. He's a cad.

Just to refresh your memories, dear reader, I had just stormed out of The Mrs.'s house in disgust. BB rolled down the window of his car and asked what was going on. I informed him that it would seem (and, boy, did it seem) that Mr. Blue was staying there to have sex with The Mrs. BB and C balked at this notion and said they couldn't believe it. I told them what had just happened and we all sort of gaped at one another. I walked around to my car while L talked with BB and C about the craziness that was our evening. As I was getting in my car the garage door began to rise and The Mrs. ran out with a look of, oh, I'm not sure, horror, shock, maybe realization on her face. She asked if her purse was in my car. I told her it was not, and she ran back in the house telling us to wait for her, that she needed her car.

It was like she all of a sudden realized what Mr. Blue's intentions were and was none too pleased about them. As I'd only met The Mrs. a couple of times prior to this night, I was glad to see that maybe she wasn't all that complicit in the evening's unsavory goings-on. Granted, this realization didn't allay my discomfort at everything that had happened. Having a guy who has been paying you special interest suddenly start coming on to one of the other members of your small group is still rather shocking. Thank god we hadn't been dating or I hadn't developed a crush on him or anything. It was bad enough without getting my tender little feelings hurt.

After The Mrs. found her purse and Mr. Blue made his way to my car, we drove off in search of a gas station. L insisted there was no way she was letting Mr. Blue sit in the front seat, so The Mrs. and Mr. Blue got in the back. The Mrs. promptly forgot her earlier realization (or so it would seem) and curled up next to Mr. Blue. Mr. Blue again wrapped his arms around her and again made little love sounds (yuck!). I drove in uncomfortable silence to the gas station. While I was pumping gas, L told me she heard "moaning" coming from the back seat (thank god I wasn't in the car at the time - I'm not sure how I would have reacted to Mr. Blue's moaning). She felt certain something very bad must be going on, but when she turned around, she didn't see anything warranting such "adult" utterances. The Mrs. was still just curled up in a drunken stupor.

We continued driving for what seemed like hours before arriving back at the bar's parking lot. I realize I shouldn't have let The Mrs. drive, but at this point, I couldn't think about much more than what had occurred around me. The Mrs. got in her car, Mr. Blue had the gall to hug me, and then I drove away. I'm not sure what happened in that parking lot, but I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Blue tried to convince The Mrs. that he should drive her home. I do know that she didn't take him up on the offer. Perhaps driving drunk wasn't a good idea, but I think it was a much better decision than allowing Mr. Blue to drive her home. Who knows what might have happened.

I am sure, if asked, Mr. Blue would insist that this was all just "a misunderstanding." I imagine that deep down, however, he knows that his actions were reprehensible. Or maybe not. Maybe the only way a guy can go through life acting this way is if he convinces himself that he did nothing wrong. The sad thing is that if he really believes his actions were simply misinterpreted, he'll continue acting this way. He'll continue taking advantage of drunk girls - some of whom might be his friends - and at some point it might turn out much worse than this evening did. He's lucky. None of his co-workers want to make working with him uncomfortable, so it will all simply be swept under the rug. I know that I might have to see him socially from time to time, so I'm not going to do anything other than write this blog and be very, very thankful that I discovered what a creep he was before I spent any more time on him. I think maybe I owe The Mrs. a huge thank you for helping me see what a scoundrel Mr. Blue really is. Perhaps I should use her as a sort of jackass litmus test in the future because lord knows I sure know how to find them!

The Sordid Case of Mr. Blue, Part II

As you will recall, dear reader, at the end of Part I, I was sitting on a sofa pinned between The Mrs. and Mr. Blue. Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like being sandwiched between two people caressing one other. As this awkward petting continued, it became clear that neither party was concerned for my comfort - or discomfort, as it were - or anyone else's. Mr. Blue even began to make happy little cooing sounds.

Have you ever found yourself frozen despite a desire to remove yourself from your position? Well, that was the case with me. I couldn't figure out a clear means of egress. I was simply paralyzed by the events surrounding me. And for some strange reason, I didn't want to be rude. Why I was concerned with causing offense, I'm not sure, as Mr. Blue clearly hadn't considered my feelings - or any one else's - before he started fondling The Mrs. in a room full of people, some of whom, including The Mrs., are his co-workers.

Luckily I was startled out of my trance by my friend L. When I realized she was tired (or at least feigning tiredness), I quickly jumped on the chance to escape. BB and C quickly agreed that it was time for the evening to come to a close (not surprisingly, I later learned that BB saw what was going on and was also looking for a means of retreat), and we all began heading for the door. As I had driven both The Mrs. and Mr. Blue, I was waiting for them to gather their things as well, but neither of them indicated they were moving in that direction. I asked if they were coming, and one of them (I honestly don't recall which one) said that The Mrs. could drive Mr. Blue to his car "later." I reminded them that both of their cars were still at the bar. At this point L headed outside in frustration, but I stayed as I felt strangely obligated to make sure they understood they had no car. When Mr. Blue suggested that they would just grab a cab to their cars later (again with the later), I threw up my hands in disgust and walked out.

I was flabbergasted. At what point did Mr. Blue convey his intentions to The Mrs.? How had his staying there become the plan? Had I missed some hand signals they were throwing at one another? Was an invitation for hanky panky subtly given via a little chest rub? How had this man gone from ogling me to molesting The Mrs. to acting like the man of the house?

I couldn't wrap my brain around it. Nor could BB, C or L. We all stood in the drive gaping at one another. Was the happily married The Mrs. really going to allow her co-worker to spend the night? Was Mr. Blue really going to take advantage of his intoxicated married co-worker ? Had I really been interested in this guy, even momentarily? Do I live in a world populated by crazy people? Have I suddenly entered cloud-cuckoo land?

Oh, but my dear readers, it does get worse.

The Sordid Case of Mr. Blue, Part I

I have had many an occasion over the years to wonder what men are thinking, but the event that occurred last Friday night takes the cake. To fully appreciate the severity of Friday night's events, a bit of background is needed.

I have lots of marvelous friends, which shouldn't surprise anyone reading this blog. Upon the occasion of one said friend's birthday celebration, I met a gentlemen whom I will call Mr. Blue. Mr. Blue seemed like a nice fellow; however, he was married, so I paid him little mind. I saw Mr. Blue from time to time until I learned of his impending divorce. Now, Mr. Blue seemed rather interested in me, dear reader, and I was willing to give him an opportunity to woo me.

The same evening I discovered Mr. Blue was soon to be single, he asked me for my phone number. Despite having my phone number in his possession, Mr. Blue did not phone me. He did, however, friend request me on Facebook. Mr. Blue also asked after me when he saw our mutual friend, the aforementioned birthday boy and his girlfriend. Let's call the birthday boy BB and his girlfriend C.

Is everyone comfortable with the background? Well, then, let's begin The Sordid Case of Mr. Blue.

Friday night began like any evening spent with friends. My friend L and I were attending a party together, so we met at my house and then headed downtown. Our plan was to spend a bit of time at the party, then meet up with our good friend C. At around 11PM, L and I head to the south part of town to join C, BB and some of BB's friends, including Mr. Blue, who, not surprisingly, has asked if I will be in attendance.

When L and I arrive, Mr. Blue cannot seem to take his eyes off of me. Every time I look in his direction, he is looking at me. Every time L looks at him, he is looking at me. Every time C looks at me, he is, you got it, looking at me. This goes on for nearly an hour before BB sends Mr. Blue a text saying something to the effect of "What the F is wrong with you?" Mr. Blue then walks over to me and begins to chat me up. At this point, I'm honestly not sure how interested I am in Mr. Blue. He does seem a bit socially awkward, but I like to give a guy a fair chance. I chat with him and with other friends until the bar closes. We then decide to head to one of the other attendee's house. Let's call her The Mrs.

Here's a bit about The Mrs.: she is trashed and missing her husband, who has been away for work for a while. She is loving on everyone in attendance - guys and girls alike. And did I mention how drunk she is? Well, she is really, really drunk.

Being sober, I drive The Mrs., Mr. Blue and L to The Mrs's house. Soon after we get there, I suggest we sit in the living room. I sit on one end of the couch. My girl L sits on the other end, cleverly leaving a spot for Mr. Blue. BB and C sit across the room, and The Mrs. plops down on my lap. My left arm is pinned behind her back and her arm is behind my back. She is perpendicular to me on the sofa with her feet in the space between L and me. When Mr. Blue comes in the room, I suggest that The Mrs. move her feet so that Mr. Blue can sit down. She does and puts her legs on Mr. Blue's lap.

Mr. Blue goes to put his arm around me. I'm surprised. Mr. Blue is making a move. Good for him, I think.

But I mistaken.

Mr. Blue didn't put his arm around me so much as he rested his arm on my shoulders. His hand landed squarely on The Mrs.'s neck. I'm surprised by this. Hadn't he spent the last hour simply staring at me? I am more surprised, however, when he starts rubbing her neck and puts his hand on her leg. I am, you've got it, even more surprised still when she starts rubbing his chest. (I should pause to say that I think she would have rubbed any one's chest - if only they would have let her - this includes me, BB, C and L. Heck, I think she would've rubbed the sofa's chest, if only it had one.) I quickly extricate my arm from behind The Mrs.'s back and lean forward just to see if he realizes he's not touching me. This move doesn't seem to change anything.

So there I am, holding a glass of water with two hands trying not to get in the way of the two people on either side of me who are rubbing on one another. Can we all say awkward? If there ever was an occasion that called for a drink, this was it.

Curious Clothing, Part II

So, I saw this horrible sweater on Ebay, and I really, really want to post it. I wouldn't even have to write anything. There would be no questions... well, no questions about why I put it here. There would be many questions about why it was made. And when you discovered, like I did, that is was made of cashmere, you would have even more questions.

Here is a link, but it will probably be gone soon, and I'm not clever enough with the interweb to snag it permanently. If I were, I wouldn't have had to write any of this. Or even this brief description of the sweater: It is gray and has Little Miss Sunshine from those little books. And to make it even better it says "LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE" on the back in large black letters. Beautiful.

Curious Clothing, Part I

Can someone please explain to me why sleeveless turtleneck sweaters are made? I cannot think of a time when my neck is warm but my arms are nice and toasty. Nor can I think of a time I need a sweater but no sleeves. And how many women do you know that have great arms but want to hide their neck. Not only is the sleeveless turtleneck sweater impractical, it is (and this is the greater sin) rather ugly. I think it should be a rule that if you are going to wear something impractical, nearly everyone should think it lovely. Or everyone with good taste anyway.

Reinvention

Well, I've decided to blog again. I thought it be a good idea to reinvent this space--if for no other reason than to make it easier to read. While the black background looked cool, it made my eyes all wonky. And wonky eyes are bad.

I've also changed the name. I'm not sure what I think of the current name, but I like it better than the old one.

Well, here goes...

Need I Say More?